


If I Had Known

by theinsandoutsofcastiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-17 13:48:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8146322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theinsandoutsofcastiel/pseuds/theinsandoutsofcastiel
Summary: The reader needs help on a case she’s working on so she calls Dean. Instead of Dean, Sam shows up to offer his assistance; only to learn that he and the reader have a daughter together.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a dream I had so I took a break from working on requests in order to write it down. Also, if your name is Samantha, this is going to read weird.

Warnings: Angst, allusion to smut in the past, fluff, the reader and Sam’s daughter is kidnapped, fighting a shape shifter, mention of blood, no smut

Fic:

“Sam?” you ask, shocked to find the younger Winchester brother standing on your doorstep. It was supposed to be Dean here, not Sam. You hadn’t seen Sam since he’d become Lucifer’s vessel and gone to Hell.

“Hey Y/N,” Sam says, nervously running his hand through his hair, “It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you. How long has it been, five or six years?”

“Yeah, something like that,” you answer, “Where’s Dean?” You could feel the awkwardness growing between you.

“He told me you called and needed help with a shape shifter,” Sam tells you, “He also said to tell you he’s sorry he couldn’t make it. Something came up with Heaven and Cas needed help.”

“Oh,” you say, “Well, um, would you like to come in?” You weren’t sure what to say. There were so many things you’d kept from him over the years and you knew he would probably hate you for it. You wouldn’t be able to keep these secrets from him anymore.

“Thanks,” Sam says, adjusting his pack on his shoulder as you move to the side and invite him in.

“Mommy, where did you go? I need help with my homework,” your daughter calls from the kitchen.

“I’ll be there in a minute Baby,” you call back.

“Mom,” she whines, “You promised not to call me that anymore.”

“Sorry Baby,” you answer, making her groan.

“You - you have a kid?” Sam asks.

“Um, yeah,” you say shyly. Sam peeks around the corner and stops in his tracks.

“How old is she?” Sam whispers, dropping his pack to the floor.

“Five,” you answer quietly. Sam swallows thickly, not taking his eyes off the girl sitting at the kitchen table.

“She’s mine isn’t she?” Sam asks, already knowing the answer, “I have a daughter.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper.

“Sorry?” Sam asks, “We have a daughter.”

“I know I should’ve told you,” you say, “But I thought you were dead for over a year. Then Dean called me and said you’d come back but that you weren’t yourself. After that, things kept happening in your life and I wasn’t sure how a baby would fit in. I was afraid that if I told you about her, you’d be upset or angry or that you wouldn’t want her. I thought it would be better for her to never meet you than to think she was unwanted.”

“No, Y/N, I understand. You wanted to protect her,” he says, “It’s just that I never thought I’d have any kids. Does Dean know?”

“I never told him,” you reply, “Are you angry with me?”

“Hell no,” Sam answers quietly with a smile, “I could never be angry about something like this. We have a kid, I’m a dad!”

“Would you like to meet her?” you ask.

“Yeah, absolutely,” Sam says.

“I’m not sure we should tell her who you really are,” you tell him, “I don’t know if she’s ready for that yet.”

“I understand,” Sam says, “I won’t say anything, I promise.” You give him a smile before walking past him, encouraging him to follow.

“Samantha,” you say gently, “There’s someone I want you to meet.” She looks up from her homework, looking first at you and then Sam. “This is my friend, Sam,” you tell her, “We used to hunt together before you were born.”

“Your name is Sam?” she asks him.

“Yeah,” Sam says as he moves closer, “And you’re Samantha?”

“My Mom calls me Sam sometimes,” she says, “Or Sammie, you can call me Sammie if you want.”

“It’s nice to meet you Sammie,” Sam says, extending his hand across the table. Samantha takes his hand and shakes it.

“I’m going to make dinner,” you announce, “Sam, would you like to join us?”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Sam answers. You smile and nod, ruffling Samantha’s hair before beginning to prepare dinner.

“Do you hunt monsters like Mommy and me?” Samantha asks.

“Yeah,” Sam answers, “You hunt monsters?”

“Yep,” Samantha replies, “Last week, Mommy and I hunted a ghost, he was mean and he hurt people. We burned his bones and now he’s gone so he can’t hurt people anymore.”

“Wow,” Sam says, “You’re really brave.”

“I told Mark about it, but he doesn’t believe me,” Samantha continues.

“Who’s Mark?” Sam asks.

“Mom’s boyfriend,” she says, you can practically hear her eyes roll, “I think he’s stupid.”

“Hey,” you say, spinning around with a spoon in your hand, “We don’t call people stupid, it’s rude.”

“Sorry,” Samantha says. You turn back around and continue cooking, watching the two of them over your shoulder. Samantha leans across the table, as if she’s being sneaky, and begins whispering to Sam. “He is stupid,” Samantha repeats, “He tells me monsters aren’t real and that I shouldn’t be afraid, but I’m not afraid and monsters are real.”

“Well Mark sounds awful,” Sam whispers.

“He is,” Samantha agrees. The two of them whisper quietly and Sam says something that makes Samantha laugh hysterically. “Are you smart?” Samantha asks out of the blue.

“Well, um,” Sam stammers, unsure how to answer.

“Sam is very smart,” you tell her, answering for him.

“Could you help me?” Samantha asks, “I don’t like math.”

“Sure,” Sam says. He looks to you before standing from his chair. Moving around the table, he takes a seat next to Samantha and takes a look at the paper she’s been scribbling on. You watch the two of them as you cook. Keeping a secret as large as this from Sam for all this time had killed you. There were so many times when you considered telling him, but fear had stopped you. Now you could see that you shouldn’t have been afraid. They’d only just met, yet there was an instant connection between them.

When dinner is ready, you give Sam and Samantha a plate of food before joining them at the table. Sam asks you about the hunt you’re on and you tell him everything you know, Samantha helping you to fill in the details. “Any idea where it’ll attack next?” Sam asks.

“Not really,” you answer, “The attacks seem random. That’s why I called Dean for help. I was hoping he could see something I couldn’t.”

“Let me do some research,” Sam says, “I’ll try to find some sort of connection between the victims.”

After dinner, you and Sam work on research while Samantha plays. Sam sits beside you on the sofa, fingers typing away on his laptop keyboard. Being so close to him again after so many years made your heart ache. There was a long period of time when you refused to open your heart to anyone. Losing Sam and being pregnant with his child had drastically changed your life. After some time, you had decided to find someone to be with, though you knew you could never love anyone the way you loved Sam. You had always loved Sam, you still did, but you didn’t know if he felt the same. After all this time, he could’ve found someone else or even just fallen out of love with you. Even if he did still love you, you weren’t sure how Samantha would react to the two of you being together. Samantha came first and you would always try to do what was best for her, even if that meant being without Sam.

“Mommy, I’m tired,” Samantha announces.

“Ok Sweetheart, let’s go brush your teeth and get you ready for bed. Then I’ll read you a story,” you tell her.

“That’s ok Mommy,” Samantha says, “I’m a big girl, I can get ready for bed all on my own.”

“Are you sure?” you ask.

“Yes!” she says, quickly making her way up the stairs.

“I’ll come up and tuck you in when you’re ready, ok?” you call after her.

“Ok Mommy,” she shouts back.

“Huh,” you say, watching her run off, “That’s odd, she must really like you.”

“How do you know?” Sam asks.

“Because if you were Mark, she’d be dragging me up the stairs with her,” you tell him, “I don’t think she likes the idea of me being alone with him. She just hasn’t gotten used to him yet I guess.”

“And Mark is your boyfriend?” Sam asks.

“Well, he seems to think he is,” you answer, “But to be honest, I don’t really know what we are. We definitely aren’t a real couple; I don’t know how Samantha would react. Plus I only met him about a month ago and I’m not sure I want to be in a relationship. I know it sounds awful, but he’s sort of my attempt at having a somewhat normal life; something that isn’t hunting.”

“I get that,” Sam says, “… why did you name her after me?”

“Because,” you answer, “She was the last piece of you I had. I knew that every time I looked at her, I’d see you.”

“She’s perfect,” Sam says, “I know I’ve only just met her, but Y/N, she’s perfect. I’ve never really seen myself having a child, but now that I’ve met her, I know I want to be there for her in any way possible. Even if she never finds out that I’m her Dad, I want to be there for her.” There’s a long pause before you decide to break the silence.

“Sam, did you ever think about finding me?” you ask, “Or even calling me?”

Sam places his laptop on the coffee table in front of him before turning to face you. “What Dean told you was true,” Sam says, “Cas pulled me out of Hell, but he left my soul in the cage. For a long time I didn’t care about the things or people I used to care about. Without my soul, I was a different person. Even after I got my soul back, I was broken. I wanted to find you. Hell, I thought about you every day, but I couldn’t put that on you. I didn’t want you to see the mess I’d become. On top of that, Dean told me you’d made a life for yourself and I couldn’t pull you away from that.”

“I wish I had been there for you,” you whisper, brushing a strand of hair behind his ear.

“No,” Sam says, “I should’ve been there for you, for both of you. If I had known I swear I would’ve been here in a second.” His hand reaches out to cup your cheek, his thumb tracing over your lips. You felt so guilty for keeping him from his own child. It broke your heart.

“Sam, I - we have work to do,” you say, turning away from him. You wanted so badly to tell him how you still felt, but you weren’t sure how it would affect him, you, or most of all Samantha.

“Yeah, sorry, you’re right” Sam says quietly.

***

Over the next week you work with Sam, desperately trying to figure out who this shifter is and what it wants before the death toll can get any higher. Sam is just as stumped as you are. From what you can tell, the victims have nothing in common other than that they happen to live in the same town.

“Mom,” Samantha whines as you near her school, “I don’t wanna go to school. I wanna stay home and help you and Sam find the monster.”

“I know Sweetheart,” you say, “But you’ve gotta go to school. I promise that you can help as soon as you get home, ok?”

“Fine,” she pouts before trying to stomp off.

“Hey, give me a hug first,” you tell her. Samantha runs back and wraps her arms around you.

“I love you Mommy,” she says.

“I love you too Baby,” you say, hugging her back, “Have fun at school.” You hear her sigh as you send her off. The poor girl was only in kindergarten and she was already so done with school, you could sympathize. As soon as Samantha is out of sight, you hurry home.

“Y/N,” Sam says as soon as you enter the door, “There was another murder last night.”

“Where?” you ask, rushing to where he sits.

“A bar,” he answers, “And look at this video. There’s a man in the background, his eyes are glowing.” Leaning over him, you look down at his computer screen, the image making you scream.

“What?” Sam asks, “What’s wrong?”

“Mark,” you whisper, “The man with the glowing eyes is Mark. Fuck, I’m such an idiot.” Tears begin streaming down your face.

“He tricked you,” Sam says, putting his computer to the side, “It’s not your fault.”

“I put Samantha in danger,” you say frantically.

“Y/N,” Sam says, moving to you, “We’re gonna find this bastard.” His hands take hold of your upper arms, trying to calm you.

“Ok,” you say, taking a deep breath. Suddenly, your phone rings. Pulling it from your pocket, you see Mark’s number flash across the screen.

“Answer it,” Sam says. You nod, sliding your finger across the phone screen.

“H-hello?” you answer.

“Mommy?” Samantha’s voice asks.

“Samantha?” you ask frantically, “Sweetheart, where are you?”

“Mark picked me up from school,” she tells you, “I told you he was stupid.”

“Don’t worry, ok Baby?” you cry, “Sam and I are gonna find you.”

“I never did like your daughter,” Mark’s voice says as he takes the phone from Samantha, “You on the other hand … well, you’ve been my favorite little toy.”

“I swear to god, if you hurt my daughter …” you begin.

“You’ll what? Kill me?” he cuts you off, “So original. As fun as it’s been taunting a hunter for the better part of three months, I’ve had my fill. Let’s see just how good of a hunter you really are. If you want to see your daughter again, come and find her.” The call cuts off.

“It’s a trap,” Sam says.

“You think I don’t know that?” you ask, “He has my - our - daughter and it’s all my fault.”

“We’re going to find her,” Sam promises as he pulls you to him, “But we have to be smart about this.”

“We can track them,” you tell him, “Samantha has a phone and it has a tracking app on it. I told her to make sure she always has it with her.”

“Ok,” Sam says, “Let’s grab some weapons and get going.” The two of you grab all of the weapons you can carry, focusing on silver knives, before rushing to your car. Pulling up the app, you track Samantha’s phone and give Sam directions.

“They stopped,” you tell him, “They’re at an abandoned asylum just outside of town.” Sam presses his foot down on the pedal, racing towards the abandoned building. As soon as the car stops, you jump out of it, Sam following close behind.

“You go around the back,” Sam says, “I’ll take the front. We’re going to find her and everything is going to be alright. I’ve only just found out I have a daughter, I’m not about to lose her.”

“Be careful,” you tell him. Sam nods, telling you to be careful too. You run towards the back of the building, silver knife in hand. Using your phone as a flashlight, you search desperately for Samantha. You walk as quietly as you can, listening for the smallest sound. If only she would scream, cry, anything.

A sudden burst of light catches your attention. It could be a trap, but at this point, you’re willing to walk into a trap in order to find your daughter. Running towards the light, you find a large window to another room. Inside that room, Samantha sits on the floor, her wrists tied behind her back and a gag in her mouth. Relief washes over you as you see Sam rushing towards her. He drops to his knees and pulls the gag from her mouth, untying her wrists. Your relief doesn’t last for long. The lights in the room flicker as Mark enters the room, gun in hand.

“Sam!” you scream, hitting the window as hard as you can. Sam looks toward you and you scream for him to look behind him. He turns to see Mark pointing the gun right at Samantha. Sam shields her with his body as Mark pulls the trigger, the gunshot ringing in your ears as you scream. Blood seeps onto the floor and you can’t tell if it’s Sam’s or Samantha’s.

Mark looks to you with an evil grin. “Thanks for the fun,” Mark shouts, “But now it’s over.” Hitting the window as hard as you can, you try desperately to shatter it. Mark lifts the gun, pulling back the hammer as he points it at you. You expect him to pull the trigger, but he never gets the chance. His head falls from his shoulders and rolls across the floor, his body crumpling. Sam stands behind him, a blood covered machete in hand.

Sam drops to his knees, hand clutching at the bullet hole in his side. You had to get to him. Racing down the halls, you desperately try to find the room they were in, but the asylum is a maze. It takes you much too long to find him.

When you reach him, you drop to his side and press your hand against his wound. “Mommy, is Sam gonna be ok?” Samantha asks.

“Yeah,” you say through your tears, “He’s gonna be just fine. We just need to get him to a hospital.” You pull one of Sam’s arms over your shoulders and try to haul him from the floor. “Come on Sam,” you encourage, “I lost you once, I’m not going to lose you again. This is nothing, you’ve been through worse than this.” Sam works with you, doing his best to stand on his own two feet.

“Mommy, it’s this way,” Samantha says, leading you to the entrance. She holds the door open for you and Sam before running to the car, opening the door so you can help Sam into the back seat.

“I need you to stay with Sam, ok Sweetheart?” you ask. Samantha nods eagerly. “I need you to put pressure right here,” you show her, “We have to keep Sam from bleeding.” Samantha nods and quickly climbs into the back seat, taking over for you. You rush to the driver’s side and get in, frantically putting the cat in drive and racing for the hospital. “Please don’t let it be too late,” you whisper under your breath.

***

This was all your fault. The thought crept through your mind over and over again like a broken record. Sitting next to Sam’s hospital bed, you hold his hand in yours, praying for him to get better. Samantha sits quietly by your side, her gaze cast down to where her hands rest in her lap. Looking up, you notice the time.

“Are you hungry Baby?” you ask.

“No, I’m ok,” Samantha answers.

“You need to eat,” you tell her.

“I’m sorry,” she says sadly.

“Why?” you ask.

“Cos I got kidnapped and cos Sam got hurt,” she answers.

“Samantha, that was not your fault,” you tell her, brushing her hair behind her ear, “I made the mistake of trusting that monster. You were right all along, he was stupid.”

“I told you,” she says, a sad smile crossing her lips.

“Stay here with Sam for me ok?” you ask, “I’ll go get us some food.” Samantha takes your place by Sam’s side as you head down the hall to the vending machines. You take a moment to steady yourself. All you wanted to do was cry, but you had to keep it together. Heading back to the room, the sound of Samantha’s voice stops you in your tracks. Peaking into the room, you see Samantha sitting on Sam’s bed, her tiny fingers braiding his hair. You watch them from beside the door, just out of their lines of sight.

“ … he’s smart and funny and tall with long hair and pretty eyes like mine. Mommy also said he’s brave and strong and that he loves her and he loves me,” Samantha says.

“He sounds like a good guy,” Sam tells her.

“My Mommy loves you, I can tell. And I like you better than Mark,” Samantha says, “Do you love my Mommy?”

“I - yeah, I do,” Sam answers. Your heart races.

“Do you love me?” she asks.

“Yes,” Sam answers, “With all my heart.” There’s a long pause before Samantha continues.

“I think you’re my Dad,” Samantha says quietly, “Do you think I’m right?

“I, um, well,” Sam says, flustered.

“Yes,” you answer for him as you step into the room, “Sam is your Dad.” Sam looks to you before looking back to Samantha.

“Really?” Samantha asks, a smile spreading across her lips.

“Yeah, I’m your Dad,” he says, his hand carding through her hair.

“I knew it!” Samantha exclaims happily.


End file.
